Tending to the CaregiverThe stress of caregiving takes an enormous toll even when it is a labor of love. It is a job that consumes you if you do not take active steps to get away from the constant demands. Being compassionate and caring does not mean total self-sacrifice.

The most effective caregiving is accomplished by balancing the needs of the one you love and your own needs. I often talk with caregivers who are overwhelmed and worn out from their 24 hour/7 day a week job. Caregivers are so invested in the needs of the person with the memory loss that they lose sight of the fact that caregiving demands that you care for yourself as well.

This self neglect is driven by either guilt (“I have to do it myself no matter what the cost”) or because by demands on time (“I don’t have the time”). Clearly you can burn the candle at both ends only for so long without compromising your physical and emotional health. You need time to restore yourself.

The plan is simple. Set your guilt aside and plan something relaxing and restorative each day. Don’t just try to do better; put the plan in your calendar (this time is at least as important as is your next doctor’s appointment).

Decide what you will do (for example, go for a 15-minute walk each day) and make the entries in your calendar for each day in January and February now. Keep two months ahead. The time periods or events don’t have to be long, just frequent. You have enough things you have to do already in your calendar. Schedule time with yourself to do something you want to do. Here are a few suggestions you might consider:

— Get a massage.
— Go for a walk. Short walks can be very restorative.
— Do something you like such as going to a movie, concert, or shopping.
— Treat yourself to a haircut, manicure, or time at a spa.
— Go to lunch or dinner with a friend.
— Take a nap. Improve on your sleep habits.
— Get a pet. They are great listeners.
— Read something escapist like a mystery or gossip magazine.
— Exercise daily for at least 30 minutes.
— Listen to music.